4.

i have been cold. it's
a testament when you tease
yourself about having a grey heart
and how you claim you don't
care about shel silverstein poetry or
what it did to you as a child.

i never was a giving
tree, something you
come back to later
in spite of circumstance.

it's forty degrees out,
i won't wear a coat
that i don't own.

and i'm still following the traditions
of winter versus summer.
what that means for
the color and length
of my hair based upon
the life and death of
my father.

the further down it goes
the harder it is
to get back up.

there isn't much left to swallow.